Book Summary: Love & Respect (Emerson Eggerichs)

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs (Emerson Eggerichs, 2010)

Key Verse:

Eph 5:33

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

The Crazy Cycle:

Important Quotes:

  • Your response is your responsibility.
  • Your response is not caused by someone, it just reveals who you are.
  • Your relationship is all about Jesus Christ, not your spouse
  • Love your wife regardless of her actions to you.


C-O-U-P-L-E: How to spell love to your wife

(Since I’m a guy, I only copied down the stuff related to me. For the other side, buy the book yourself.)

Closeness – She wants you to be close

  • You hold her hand
  • You hug her
  • You are affectionate without sexual intentions
  • You are with her alone so you can focus on each other and laugh together
  • You go for a walk or jog…anything that results in togetherness
  • You seek her out…set up a date night…eat by candlelight
  • You go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand
  • You make it a priority to spend time with her
  • You are aware of her as a person with a mind and opinions…let her know you enjoy discussing things with her and getting her insights
  • You suggest the unexpected. Get a takeout and eat on the beach. Take a walk to see the full moon. Park on the bluff and watch the sunset.
  • You pillow talk after making love. Lie close with your arm around her and share feelings and intimate ideas.

Openess –She wants you to open up

  • You share your feelings, telling about your day and difficulties
  • You say, “Let’s talk.” Ask her what she’s feeling, and ask for her opinions
  • Your face shows you want to talk – relaxed body language, good eye contact
  • You take her for a walk to talk and reminisce about how you met or perhaps you talk about the kids and problems she may be having with them
  • You pray with her
  • You give her your full attention. No grunting responses while trying to watch TV, read the newspaper, or write e-mails.
  • You discuss financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future

Understanding – Don’t try to “fix” her, just listen

  • You listen and can repeat back what she said
  • You don’t try to “fix her problems” unless she specifically asks for a solution
  • You try to identify her feelings
  • You never dismiss her feelings, no matter how illogical they may seem to you
  • You say “I appreciate your sharing that with me.”
  • You don’t interrupt her while she’s trying to tell you how she feels.
  • You apologize and admit you were wrong
  • You cut her some slack during her monthly cycle
  • You see something that needs to be done and you do it without a lot of hassle
  • You express appreciation for all she does: ”Honey, I could never do your job.”
  • You pray with her and for her.

Peacemaking – She wants you to say, “I’m sorry”

  • You let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off
  • You admit you are wrong and apologize by saying, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”
  • You understand her natural desire to negotiate, compromise, and defer and you meet her halfway
  • You try to keep your relationship “up-to-date”, resolving the unresolved and never saying “Forget it”
  • You forgive her for any wrongs she confesses
  • You never nurse bitterness and always reassure her of your love
  • You ray with her after a hurtful time

Loyalty – She needs to know you’re committed

  • You speak highly of her in front of others
  • You are involved in things important to her
  • You help her make decisions, such as ones regarding the children
  • You don’t correct her in front of the children
  • You don’t look lustfully at other woman
  • You make her and your marriage a priority
  • You are never critical of her or your children in front of others
  • You include her in social gatherings when others may leave their spouses at home
  • You tell the kids, ”Don’t speak to your mother that way!”
  • You call and let her know your plans
  • You keep commitments
  • You speak positively of her and the children at all times

Esteem –She wants you to honor and cherish her

  • You say, “I’m so proud of the way you handled that.”
  • You speak highly of her in front of others
  • You open the door for her
  • You try something new with her
  • You give her encouragement or praise with kindness and enthusiasm
  • You notice something different about her hair and clothes
  • You are physically affectionate with her in public
  • You teach the children to show her and others respect
  • You value her opinion I the gray areas as not wrong but just different and valid
  • You choose family outings over guy things
  • You make her feel first in importance
  • You are proud of her and all she does

3 thoughts on “Book Summary: Love & Respect (Emerson Eggerichs)

  1. Mate! Thanks so much for this! I loved the actionable breakdown of the acronym and was exactly what I was looking for! Thanks! 🙂

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